看看这篇雅思写作舆图题作文，你感觉有没有6分？

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来历：知乎



我批改了好几篇门生用下边题目写的雅思作文：

• 剑桥雅思17Test1 Task1 The maps below show an industrial area in the town of Norbiton, and planned future development of the site.
  

我收到的一切作文都写得欠好。下边的剖析中，给出了舆图题写作通用的留意事项。
我以一篇例文来谈谈应当怎样写。

例文

• 第1段：The two maps illustrates the norbiton area in the present days, as well as, the panned development.
  
• 第2段：Overall, ①the norbiton industrial area is located at the east side of tht town, with a river on the north, ②separating the farmland from the industrial area, ③which is located in the center of the map, represented by a few factory buildings and roads, followed by the main road at the extreme south of the map.
  
• 第3段：the planned development shows a substantially growth and modifications of the overall infrastructure of the area between the farmland and the main road.
  
• 第4段：firstly, the planned development of the norbiton area replaces what once were factories for housings.
  
• 第5段：Moreover, the roads have been developed to acomodate all the new buildings that have been planned for the area, which are, a school and a playground to the east side of the roundabout located in the center of the map, as well as shops and a medical center around the round about.
  
• 第6段：Secondly, a bridge is planned for the north  of the map to cross the river and provide acess to the housing that will be located in farmland.
  

这篇作文有你写的好吗？你感觉它有几分？

• 加粗的是拼写毛病
  
• 斜体加粗的是语法毛病
  
  
  • replace A for with B
    
  • housing不成数
    
  
  
• 下划线部分是写得特别好的地方
  
  分析第二段
  
  第二段描写了原始位置。其他门生作文大都是不写的，必定要扣分。
  举个例子，写图中factories改成了housing，不会先写factories原本在那里，就是扣分点。
  
  接着，看信息的顺序。题干说了an industrial area in the town of Norbiton，响应地，
  

• ①一路头着眼于town，写产业区在town的西侧，选对关键位置信息了；
  
• ②然后提到了river，它把farmland和产业区区分隔，图形的整体就分别清楚了；
  
• ③最初引出产业区，在舆图的中心。
  

（1-4就是文章的写作顺序，很是公道）... represented by a few factory buildings and roads, followed by the main road at the extreme south of the map.用于描写上图中的4，不具体，要扣分。
接下来，聊聊4包括的细节怎样写清楚。


1) 小红圈毗连main road和roundabout的一段短路。在原句... the main road at the extreme south of the map前面加上with an access to the roundabout.就处理了。2) 大红圈其中信息包括，

• 一条路，
  
• 路两旁的工场，
  
• 和路绝顶的工场。A road connects the roundabout to a factory in the far south.There are factories on both sides of the road.你会不会感觉这些信息关系很是亲近，因而想写在一个句子里？In the far south there is a factory, connected to the roundabout by a road, along whose sides there are four factories.
  

<hr/>
这篇作文，考官评分是6。考官评语：This response covers the key changes to be made to the industrial area, althought more detail could be provided, for example, ②housing to the west of the roundabout. These is an overview in the second paragraph and the response could be improved by adding a summary of the main changes.
①Ideas are arranged coherently ...
To achieve a higher score, the candidate would need to reduce the number of errors in vocabulary and sentence structure.

聊聊①考鸭要清楚，Ideas are arranged coherently对应的是评分标准中的CC。大略看来，就是写作文的时辰利用跟尾词。可是，跟尾词只是概况。只要自己联贯的内容，加上了合适的跟尾词，才能满足CC。我平常批改的门生作文，真的远没有这篇作文的联贯性高。他们常常只是背一些跟尾词，然后加入到前后没有联系的句子之间……

聊聊②housing to the west of the roundabout对应的是下图中红圈部分。


你可以这么表述：There is new housing to the northwest of the roundabout (in the center) and it is can be accessed by a new road.
聊聊图中很难写的一块。


你可以这么写：A new playground will be constructed in the northest with access to the road in the south.由于图中有很多road，所以加上了定语(in the south)，希望读者（考官）可以了解到是哪一条road。那有没有法子更简单又更明白地指明是哪一条road呢？
法子1①The area to the south of the roudabout in the center will experience great changes. ②A new playground will be constructed in the northest, with access to the road.
上边①句是告诉读者：我在写下图中方框的这部分。响应地，②句提到的road只能是那一条。


<hr/>
下边的内容很难，读者可以选读。法子2：
In the far south there is a factory, connected to the roundabout by a road, along whose sides there are four factories. In the future, a new playground will be constructed in the northest, with access to the road.假如这样写，文章结构就需要大改。

• 原文的结构简单说来就是，先描写完舆图1，再描写舆图2。
  
• 舆图题还有另一种文章结构，以下图，
  

• 图形被分红方形、菱形和圆形对应的3类地区；
  
• 作文放置2个主体段；
  
• 一个主体段写（2个）方形地区，（2个）菱形地区；
  
• 另一个主体段写（2个）圆形地区。
  

法子2就是按照文章结构ii写出的。
<hr/>
想更清楚地领会舆图题写法？接待报名：雅思小作文春季班：98元享直播课7小时+1元享作文批改5篇半




原文地址：https://zhuanlan.zhihu.com/p/606663734
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